Monday, December 12, 2005

"I Took A Poo In The Woods..."

Thanks to The Recovering Democrat for the following: The 40 Most Obnoxious Quotes of 2005. Just do me a favor, have a look, ok?... I know this link is from Right Wing News. I also know that they lean toward the right, but some of the stuff is wonderfully stupid. They even include a couple of Republicans to make it a (kind of) even mix. The usual cast of idiot Hollywood actors are included, as well as, GASP!!!, G-Dub. If you want to see when it was said, go to the link for statement citing, where, when, etc. Enjoy. by John Hawkins 40) "I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome." -- Drew Barrymore Sure she's an idiot, but she's so cute, like Jessica Alba or Cameron Diaz. I don't advocate beating women, but sometimes you think "Maybe a bat to the head will jar loose whatever rotting matter is stuck." 39) "I think (the NBA's dress code is) a racist statement because a lot of the guys who are wearing chains are my age and are black. I wore all my jewelry today to let it be known that I'm upset with it." -- Indiana Pacers Guard Stephen Jackson Wearing chains... black...racist... I'm not going there. 38) "I know people who are embarrassed to be American. They don't like showing their passports. It's becoming a scary place. It takes someone very brave not to be quiet, someone who doesn't mind death threats, their life being turned upside down, news cameras outside their door. There is no freedom of speech in America anymore. They are not living up to the constitution. There's so much fear in America and control." -- Gillian Anderson There's no freedom of speech anymore??? But she can say the above. Think about it... 37) "I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for..." -- Howard Dean We love you Howard, because you keep giving wonderful statements to laugh at. 36) "George W. Bush is evil. He is a terrorist. He is evil. He is arrogant. And he is out of control." -- Julianne Malveaux I usually don't trust people with french names, even less when they look like a female version of the comedian Sinbad. 35) "As a matter of fact, I was talking to my friend Laura, who sings on the record, and we're both getting to the point where we want to start families. We're convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant, or anything that would work to make that happen. I'd just rather have a really sharp, interesting, smart gay son than some big dumb hetero meathead." -- Moby Grab your glowstick and pacifier, Moby's here. You having children "the natural way" is about as likely as Elton John and his new.... husband? wife?.... Whatever... producing offspring. By the way, isn't his 15 minutes up? Thank you Gwen Stefani for hoisting this lump of gayness upon an unsuspecting public. 34) "Back on September 11, terrorists attacked our metropolitan cores, two of America's great cities. They did that because they knew that was where they could do the most damage and weaken us the most. Years later, we are given a budget proposal by our commander in chief, the president of the United States. And with a budget ax, he is attacking America's cities. He is attacking our metropolitan core." -- Democratic Mayor of Baltimore, Martin O'Malley Get off the federal teat, jack-ass! Nothing says moron like community money whores with their hands out. 33) "The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself. All we need is one more liar." -- Helen Thomas I've said before how much this troll doll should give it up. She's about as unbiased as I am. And if she wants help killing herself, I'll help. http://roostercashews.blogspot.com/2005/08/follow-up-on-dear-hellen-thomas.html 32) "When one considers the losses suffered by Britain and France – hundreds of thousands dead, destitution, bankruptcy, the end of the empires – was World War II worth it, considering that Poland and all the other nations east of the Elbe were lost anyway? If the objective of the West was the destruction of Nazi Germany, it was a "smashing" success. But why destroy Hitler? If to liberate Germans, it was not worth it. After all, the Germans voted Hitler in. If it was to keep Hitler out of Western Europe, why declare war on him and draw him into Western Europe? If it was to keep Hitler out of Central and Eastern Europe, then, inevitably, Stalin would inherit Central and Eastern Europe. Was that worth fighting a world war – with 50 million dead?" -- Pat Buchanan explains WW2 wasn't worth it Pat, you idiot. Same goes with you as with Helen. If you ever want to kill yourself, let me know. Maybe we can do a double and take both of you out on the same day. 31) "But in my darker moments, I wonder whether the war wasn't a cover to persuade good, open-minded folk like Glenn (Reynolds) to enable the theocratic impulses of the Republican base." -- Andrew Sullivan Black helicopters anyone? 30) "And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the – of – the historical customs, religious customs. Whether you like it or not ... Iraqis should be doing that." -- John Kerry slams the troops again After Dean is removed as DNC chairman, maybe Kerry would like a swing at it. He says dumb things at about the same rate as Dean. 29) "American fighters of the Pacific War were not heroes. The desperation of island combat included exchanged barbarities of which no one would willingly speak for a generation. On the American side, there were foul racism, vengeful refusals to take prisoners, a generalized brutality that extended to a savage air war." -- James Carroll in the Boston Globe James, I think it's time you started patrol duty in Iraq. Maybe your definition of what a hero is would change after dealing with some of the "Hajjis" over there, and having your ass pulled from death too many times to mention. 28) "Just remember that in Florida 2000, the victims were black and Latino voters who were, who were, um, just so callously and openly denied the opportunity to cast their vote in a scheme that was cooked in a backroom by rich and powerful white people. And in 2004, with the electronic voting machines, your votes are at risk too." -- Democratic Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney I love her the most. Not a day goes by that she's not screaming about racism. 27) "The last two elections were stolen. They were stolen and so we will not rest until we reclaim our democracy and this is what today is all about." -- U.S. Rep. Barbara Lee (D-Calif.) It's always stolen, isn't it? If something doesn't go your way, it's stolen. Grow up already. 26) "Well I would say that in the year 2000, the country failed abysmally in the presidential election process. There's no doubt in my mind that Al Gore was elected president." -- Jimmy Carter I'd say the country failed abysmally in '76 when we elected you. Stagflation, saying America was in decline... Is there some reason you keep opening your yap? Take a hint from past presidents and STFU after you leave office. You became an embarrassment to the country after Reagan came in to show you how running a country should be done. 25) "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because He might not be there." -- Pat Robertson after the citizens of Dover voted against school board members who favored teaching intelligent design Pat, you're as much an embarrassment to the name Christian as Carter was to President. Because of your belief in Christ, I have no doubt you will find a way into Heaven. Because of that, it's my hope they have a padded room for you somewhere that the rest of us don't have to listen to your yammering. 24) "I felt like a n*gger." -- Ralph Nader on his run at the presidency in 2004. If that word wasn't considered so bad, I'd agree with you. On second thought Ralph, you're white trash, still living in the 60's, with ideas designed to destroy America through over-regulation. I guess, because of the above, you should have called yourself a negro. 23) "Meanwhile, every American who believes in racial equality and human dignity should sympathize with the rioters, not with the effete bigots on the Seine." -- Columnist Ralph Peters sides with the rioters over the French populace That is until the rioters end up on your doorstep, burning, looting, shooting, and destroying your property... Right, Ralphie? 22) "We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head." -- Bill Maher What can you say about Bill? Playing Devil's advocate gets old. Like Moby, Maher's 15 minutes and Playboy Mansion parties should have been over long ago. 21) "We want our Border Patrol agents chasing, you know, crooks and thieves and drug-runners and terrorists, not good-hearted people who are coming here to work. And therefore, it makes sense to allow the good-hearted people who are coming here to do jobs that Americans won't do a legal way to do so. And providing that legal avenue, it takes the pressure off the border." -- George Bush explains that we don't want the Border Patrol to actually stop illegal aliens Ohhhhh, George.... What the hell happened? Get your nose out of Vicente Fox's ass, and look at what's happening along the border. Here's an idea: Like James Carroll above, George should move his Crawford Ranch to the border and we'll see if he likes these animals on his land 24 hours a day, stealing, raping, and destroying property. Fox's ass may smell like roses, but it's time to come up for air. www.weneedafence.com 20) "Until your daddy learns that it's not 'fun' to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He's so hooked on killing defenseless animals that they could be next!" -- From a PETA booklet called "Your Daddy Kills Animals," which was designed to be handed out to children I don't understand PETA people. If you find a way to beat cancer using fluffy as a test subject, go for it. Here's another section of the populous that may benefit from a baseball bat to the skull, like Drew Barrymore. 19) "My answer to those that want to offset the spending is sure, bring me the offsets, I'll be glad to do it. But nobody has been able to come up with any yet...after 11 years of Republican majority we've pared it down pretty good...I am ready to declare ongoing victory (over spending)." -- Tom DeLay My second biggest beef with Republicans (my first is border control) is spending. Reagan is spinning in his grave. I know there's a war going on, and that's a good chunk of the spending, but we don't need about half of the civil service / government jobs that are currently active. Slim down the freakin' government, and get it out of my life. 18) "Look, unlike[ Andrew Sullivan], I'm a Jew, but I don't expect Arabs to pay tribute (at the commemoration of the liberation of Auschwitz) to my people's suffering while Jews, in the form of Israel and its supporters -— and in this I include myself — are causing much of theirs. Would Andrew want to go to a service in honor of the suffering of gay bashing bigots?" -- Eric Alterman compares the victims of the Holocaust to gay bashing bigots Eric lives and works in San Francisco. Need I say more? 17) "I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach. It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry." -- Louis Farrakhan speculates that New Orleans was deliberately flooded We need to get Calypso Louie and Cynthia McKinney together. Nothin' says luvin' like racists shackin' up together. His reliable source for this probably was Cynthia McKinney. 16) "[My new dog] Gudrun is named after the infamous Gudrun Ensslin who was the female leader of the Baader-Meinhof Gang, an art terrorist group from the 70s. Terrorism was different then. It had a chicness to it, which made it seem less like a dangerous menace and more like fashion. -- Margaret Cho I poke fun at Moby and Maher with their 15 minutes ticking away, here's someone who extended her stay by jumping on the psychopath wagon. I often wonder what would happen if these freaks of nature were allowed to meet their heroes? Would Che Guevara, Charles Manson, or Gudrun Ensslin welcome them, or would they find a way to put them down as a threat? I'm guessing option number two. When you swim with sharks, don't expect to remain unscathed. 15) "It is reported that black hurricane victims in New Orleans have begun eating corpses to survive. Four days after the storm, thousands of blacks in New Orleans are dying like dogs. No-one has come to help them." -- Randall Robinson at the Huffington Post Why wasn't Jesse Jackson and Louie Fara-whatever down there immediately, helping these poor cannibals? What? Oh, you mean Randall was wrong, and people really get their news from Huffington, or the Daily Show? Wow, I'm sorry... 14) "They’ve had a very very direct, aggressive attack on the, on the media, and the way it’s handled. Probably the most flagrant example of that is the way they set up Dan Rather. Now, I mean, I have my own beliefs about how that happened: it originated with Karl Rove, in my belief, in the White House. They set that up with those false papers." -- Maurice Hinchey (D-NY), explains how Karl Rove was really behind Memogate Here's another wacky lib. Someone who I'm sure greeted the news that there were memos reportedly showing Bush as incompetent with glee. Then they find out the memos were forged, (FAKE WANDA, THEY WERE FAKE) and Maurice does a 180 with the usual lib tag line of: Karl Rove did it to make us look stupid. Let me say this, Maurice, nobody has to try. You guys are doing very well without Karl's help. 13) "Absolutely (I had sex with animals). I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." -- Anti-abortion activist Neal Horsley tells people way more than they wanted to know about his teenage years Dude. Too much information. On the plus side, it was probably a cheap date. 12) "In contrast to New Orleans, there was only minimal looting after the horrendous 1995 earthquake in Kobe, Japan—because, when you get down to it, Japanese aren't blacks." -- Steve Sailer Why should they loot? They make all the electronics there, so they are much cheaper to buy. 11) "(The) idea that we're going to win the war in Iraq is an idea which is just plain wrong." -- Howard Dean There's nothing funny about this, and it makes me sad that a once great party has allowed the leadership to take them so low. 10) "This President is never gonna do the right thing. I think somewhere deep down inside him he takes a lot of joy about losing people, if he thinks they vote Democrat or if he thinks they're poor, or if he thinks they're in a blue state, whatever his reasons are not to rescue those people." -- Air America's Randi Rhodes speculates that Bush wanted Democrats to die in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina This is usually the type of response I get from liberal people that wander in here. Scott, if you're reading, this is my basic response to you and your last post: Give me facts. Randi can't find any, so she makes up her stories as she goes along. I enjoy mouthing off here. That's what this place is for, but if you want to say I don't know what I'm talking about, or my source material is wrong, then prove it with facts from a reputable news outlet. 9) "What outrages me as a representative of journalists is that there’s not more outrage about the number, and the brutality, and the cavalier nature of the U.S. military toward the killing of journalists in Iraq....They target and kill journalists ... uh, from other countries, particularly Arab countries like Al -, like Arab news services like Al-Jazeera, for example. They actually target them and blow up their studios with impunity...." -- Newspaper Guild President Linda Foley Journalists need a bat to the head as well. I don't think it would help, but it would feel good. Either that or a bull's-eye tee-shirt to wear around Iraq. 8) "On one occasion, the air conditioning had been turned down so far and the temperature was so cold in the room, that the barefooted detainee was shaking with cold. ..... On another occasion, the [air conditioner] had been turned off, making the temperature in the unventilated room well over 100 degrees. The detainee was almost unconscious on the floor, with a pile of hair next to him. He had apparently been literally pulling his hair out throughout the night. On another occasion, not only was the temperature unbearably hot, but extremely loud rap music was being played in the room, and had been since the day before, with the detainee chained hand and foot in the fetal position on the tile floor. I rarely use this word, and I'm sorry if it offends anyone, but these detainees were pussies. See above picture again. If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime--Pol Pot or others--that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners." -- Democratic Senator Dick Durbin Oh yeah, Dick "Turban" Durbin is a pussy too. 7) "George Bush doesn't care about black people...They're giving the Army permission to go down and shoot us." -- Kayne West on the rescue efforts in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina Shame nobody was in the television studio when you said that so we could find out if it were true. 6) "For those of you who do, as a matter of principle, oppose war in any form, the idea of supporting a conscientious objector who's already been inducted [and] in his combat service in Iraq might have a certain appeal. But let me ask you this: Would you render the same support to someone who hadn't conscientiously objected, but rather instead rolled a grenade under their line officer in order to neutralize the combat capacity of their unit?" -- University Professor Ward Churchill on supporting soldiers who frag their officers Also a shame that Kayne West wasn't standing next to Chief Churchill when he made the above comment. Two down with little fuss. Churchill is a joke, his statements are a joke, has been caught in lies numerous times, and shows just how far away from teaching real subjects the universities have moved. 5) "I was driving past the Pentagon when that plane hit. I had friends on that plane; this is deadly serious to me. They want to kill me and my children if they can. But if they just kill me and not my children, they want my children to be comforted -- that while they didn't protect me because they cut my taxes, my children won't have to pay any money on the money they inherit. That is bulls*** national defense, and we should say that." -- Ex-Clinton Aide Paul Begala explains that Republicans want to kill him Why you think you're important enough to kill is outside my understanding. The Secret Police and Black Helicopter Squad have more important people than you to eliminate. Just head back to your little CNN chair, mmkay? 4) "A spoiled child (Bush) is telling us our Social Security isn't safe anymore, so he is going to fix it for us. Well, here's your answer, you ungrateful whelp: [audio sound of 4 gunshots being fired.] Just try it, you little b*stard. [audio of gun being cocked]." -- A "humor bit" from the Randi Rhodes show As much as I dislike Clinton (Mr. and Mr..... I mean Mrs.) I would never use assassination humor. That's the lowest of the low. 3) "Do our government's poorly paid contract killers deserve our "support" for blindly following orders?" -- Ted Rall I thought Ted was a cartoonist. I was wrong. I find little, if anything, funny, or thought provoking in his work. Fine, it's his opinion, but try to make me think, ok? Angry rants are funny for a while, but get old and busted when you have nothing else to offer. Ted is old and busted. 2) "If I had my way, I would see Katherine Harris and Ken Blackwell strapped down to electric chairs and lit up like Christmas trees. The better to light the way for American Democracy and American Freedom!" -- Democratic Talk Radio's Stephen Crockett I'm surprised he used the words "Christmas" trees (since it's not PC to do so) and "electric chair" (since the liberal ideology seems to be you shouldn't execute anyone, just keep them locked up for life).... Oh, unless they are conservatives, then that's alright. Here's my Christmas wish: That Tookie Williams is strapped to the board on Tuesday and released of his earthly bond by sweet killing drugs. This story has so many Holly-weird connections, but I don't feel like a rant on this right now. Maybe on Tuesday if the Governator doesn't loose his nerve. 1) "Real freedom will come when [U.S.] soldiers in Iraq turn their guns on their superiors." -- Warren County Community College adjunct English professor, John Daly I simply shake my head at this and pass on the opportunity to show him a fool. They make it too easy most times. It's a liberal arts teacher. What do you expect?


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