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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Would anyone buy dried bull penises?

Sometimes you get a great idea, but let it slide. Two years later you find out some schmuck made millions on that little flash of genius you let slip away. The following is no such tale, but then again, maybe it is. Back in high school I knew a girl who's mother was an advertising executive. One big campaign that made her serious cash was for a dried and stretched bull penis that was then capped on both ends and made into a walking cane. People actually bought this stuff? That was news to me in '86. You also have to remember that there was no internet, so that means no free advertising. They made money on this...thing...based on word of mouth and salesmanship. And this lady actually made money from her work, and invested in the company, and made more money. I can just imagine several thousand old codgers ordering bull penises out of the back of Prevention, or AARP magazines like kids ordering X-Ray glasses and sea monkeys out the backs of comic books. Then the old coots are let loose with the bull penis firmly in hand bothering their neighbors with bathroom humor... "Hey Mabel, you want to see my three foot penis?" or "Mom, the baseball landed on Mr. Abernathy's lawn. He came out and started shaking his penis at me." I got to thinking about this again when I ran across an ad on another blog for "Truck Balls." My first thought was "Who in the hell would buy scrotes to hang from the back of their truck?" Here's the website for anyone interested: http://www.bumpernuts.com/ That, as I said, led me back to the girl's mom. Man her daughter was stacked.... Anyway, her mom told me one of life's most important lessons: People are gullible, and sometimes stupid, but even more important, some can be gullible and stupid. That's not a bad thing, she said, and I understood why. In remembering that conversation, I now think of the "Pussy Wagon" truck from the movie Kill Bill, which led me to understand that you didn't have to be rich or poor, or stupid and gullible to buy useless or odd shit, you just need to have enough money to be different..... or white trash, like the Pussy Wagon in Kill Bill. Take your pick. Bumper nuts would look odd on that truck, but something tells me someone like Buck would do it if he could. People want to be different, and that's cool, but if you buy bumper nuts, or drive a yellow with flames and Pussy Wagon written on the tailgate, you're gay or seriously F'd in the head. Of that there is no doubt. Getting back to bull penises for a moment... I actually found several sites that have these things for sale: Bull penis walking canes: about $90.00 each http://www.bigcountrytradingpost.com/jernigan/misc_new.htm http://www.fashionablecanes.com/store/440.html Bull penis dog treats: http://www.spoiledbratsnyc.com/dogtreats.html So, since I know there is someone out there who would pay, I'm offering for sale, dried sea monkey feces. Pure, 100% sea monkey feces is perfect as a snack. And tastes.... MMmmmmm. If you act now, it's only $50.00 for 1 pound! But wait, I'll also include a guide on how to bend the stupid to do your bidding, and a bumper sticker that says if you have bumper nuts, you are gay. Don't delay, call today!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right! People are extremely gullible! Why do you think billions of dollars are spent every year on golf swing aids that do absolutely nothing?! The only people that are more gullible than golfers trying to improve their handicap are people who think they get 72 virgins by blowing themselves and innocent victims up. But that's a rant for another day.

D

7/17/2005 12:21:00 PM  

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