Friday, June 30, 2006

...And I'm Proud Of It.

1. If I could have dinner with any 5 people: My father, Leonardo da Vinci, Jesus, George Patton... and Denis Leary. Sing along with the video below. I'm an Asshole - Dennis Leary Folks I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream About me About you About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts Or maybe below the cockles Maybe in the sub-cockle area Maybe in the liver Maybe in the kidneys Maybe even in the colon We don't know I'm just a regular joe With a regular job I'm your average white Suburbanite slob I like football, and porno, and books about war I've got an average house With a nice hardwood floor My wife, and my job My kids, and my car My feet on my table And a Cuban cigar But sometimes that just ain't enough To keep a man like me interested Oh no, no way, uh uhh No, I gotta go out and have fun At someone else's expense Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah I drive really slow In the ultra-fast lane While people behind me are going insane I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole) I use public toilets And I piss on the seat I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?" I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (he's the worlds biggest asshole) Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces While handicapped people Make handicapped faces I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole) Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong... NAAAHHHHH! I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole) You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable Hot pink! With whale skin hub caps An all leather cow interior And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights YEAH! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby At 115 miles per hour Getting one mile per gallon Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it You know why? 'Cause we got the bombs, that's why! Two words: Nuclear Fuckin' Weapons Okay!? Russia, Germany, Romania They can have all the Democracy they want They can have a big Democracy cake walk Right through the middle of Tienemen Square And it won't make a lick of difference Because we got the bombs Okay!? John Wayne's not dead He's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke" And he's gonna be pretty pissed off You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be I'm gonna get "The Duke" And John Cassavetes And Lee Marvin And Sam Peckinpah And a case of whiskey And drive down to Texas And- (Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole) Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal? You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole And it turns out it was him What an asshole! I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (he's the worlds biggest asshole) A - SS - HO - LE! Everybody!! A - SS - HO - LE! *dog barking noises* I'm an asshole and proud of it! The song has been around for about 15 years... I used to have the cassette but wore it out. I love songs that make you want to eat three steaks, and go beat the crap out of whining, pansy, tree-hugging freaks.....ahem... like Daryl Hannah. This video is not safe for work. 2. Sheep eat grass... Cough cough cough. Looks like they smoke it too. Ahh... don't go baggin' on de herb, mon! 3. Some people need to die... They should die just to make some room for those of us with a life, and second, to firm up the gene pool. Wheelbarrow strangeness 4.What’s worse than old people sex? Old, gay people sex You know the pharmacy only stocks Viagra, various lubes, and Fix-A-Dent. God help them if they get the Fix-A-Dent mixed up with the lube... 5. CDs this week: A. Bowling for Soup: A Hangover You Don't Deserve B. The Seahorses: Do It Yourself C. The Moody Blues: Days of Future Passed D. Ocean Colour Scene: Mosely Shoals


Blogger Richard said...

Dennis Leary might freak out if he saw Jesus sitting at the table.

6/30/2006 09:21:00 AM  
Blogger Richard said...

I like the Seahorses...It sounds like Blind Melon reincarnate.

No to big on Ocean Colour Scene, pretty inane stuff. I do like the album name "Mosely Shoals" though!

Bowling for Soup - Great sound and I always support the Denton bands!

Moody Blues - serious ender.... MORE COWBELL!!!!

6/30/2006 09:39:00 AM  
Blogger Peakah said...

When I was a dock supervisor at the TJmax distribution center here in Vegas, I used to march up and down the dock singing "I'm an Asshole" at the top of my lungs... It didn't matter cuz the mexicans had no idea what the hell I was saying... they thought I was barking out orders...

That video is absolutely classic!!

Great post brah!! That made my day...

7/01/2006 01:31:00 AM  

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