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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Various Clothing And Sundries For White Trash

This week it's all about the disturbing things you find online, and the white trash these site's are geared to. No, I'm not talking about goat porn, NASCAR, or wrestling. I'm talking about items that no white trash slob should be without. Can't afford that signed picture of Waylon Jennings your wife has been hounding you about for years to hang beside the Velvet Elvis? Your prayers have been answered! The items below are just sad enough to make even the most wretched in society feel loved. 1. A site to purchase celebrity socks. When I checked, they had socks from Moby, a news anchor, and two other no-names. None of the above rate as celebrities in my book... unless you're from England and know who these people are... But if you want a sock worn by Moby, framed behind glass, this is a good site to fulfill that lifelong dream. I shake my head in sadness at how far humanity has fallen. Head to the "product" section for a picture and description. I'll go halves on anyone buying the Moby sock if they use it to strangle him. Here's hoping you lose whatever you buy from this site in the washing machine 2. Really bad auctions. I’m partial to the evil clown lava lamp. It's perfect to use as junior's night-light. Of course the nude ceramic salt and pepper shaker is also a must for any discerning gourmet that classifies having grits with every meal as getting their proper daily requirement of the bread food group. Some of you out there probably want this stuff, don't you? 3. Ugly dresses, tuxedos. Holy crap I feel sorry for some of you women who degrade yourselves just because a friend is getting married, and wants all the bridesmaids to wear a green and black Scarlet O’hara antebellum dress. Frankly my dear, you look like an after dinner mint 4. Need a special gift for the transvestite in your life to make him/her more appealing and shapely? Does your wife or girlfriend feel she needs a "rise behind the thighs?" Or maybe your baby's mama needs a little more "junk in the trunk" to keep that "Hip Hop Ho" look? Well look no further! Treat the person you love to a butt lift. Dr. George Lefkovits will have your buttocks watermelon round in no time. Needless to say, this site is probably not safe for work. Pictures of cheeks abound. Baby Got back, indeed. I like big butts and I can not lie, Dr. Lefkovits won't deny.... 5. How I wasted time this week. I didn't see any whales to kill. Maybe I didn't play long enough. Go Fish!

4 Comments:

Blogger header5 said...

I was unaware that white trash wore clothes?

10/13/2006 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger Rooster Cashews said...

Do wife-beater t-shirts and jean shorts count?

10/14/2006 01:04:00 PM  
Blogger header5 said...

See I was thinking no shirt, no shoes...

10/15/2006 08:51:00 PM  
Blogger Rooster Cashews said...

No shirt, no shoes, walking around the K-Mart/Walmart/grocery store, the soles of their feet getting that nasty black color... But jean shorts.. They have to have jean shorts, or lycra pants 3 sizes too small if you're talking about the women.

10/15/2006 09:15:00 PM  

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