All Hallow's Eve Stuff... Or Halloween Stuff For Those Thinking "What's A Hallow's?"

The mystery... The magic... The sweet freakin' high from sugar filled candy that kept me strung out for days. As a child, other than Christmas, my favorite holiday was Halloween. What other night was it acceptable to go up to a stranger's house and ask them for candy? You also got to act like a wild animal for a few hours and nobody cared. It's a shame much of the innocence has been lost. Many opt for "safe" parties at churches or youth oriented organizations instead of taking the chance that little Johnny will get a razorblade filled apple.

It also seems that Halloween has been transformed into just another opportunity for adults to get their drunk on at parties. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I remember so clearly in my youth that Halloween was a day (and night) set aside for the kids. The great thing about Halloween this year is having my own home, and actually wanting to stay there and hand out chocolate to the kids. Now where did I put those razorblades...? Yes, I'm kidding. Before I get to the "treats" of this post, I'd like to offer a breakdown of the history of "feed me candy for dinner" night.

The name Halloween is Scottish in origin and is short for "All Hallow's Eve," the night before "All Hallow's Day," or All Saint's Day. That day was set by Pope Boniface IV to honor the Catholic saints, and also to replace a Roman pagan festival of the dead (which had been held in late February, the end of the old Roman year). Later, Pope Gregory III changed All Saint's Day to November 1. By the time Christianity came to the British Isles, local folk had already been celebrating their own festival of the dead on Samhain (November 1, the Celtic new year). According to author Jack Santino in "Halloween and other Festivals of Death and Life" (University of Tennessee Press), "Many traditional beliefs and customs associated with Samhain, most notable that night was the time of the wandering dead, the practice of leaving offerings of food and drink to masked and costumed revelers, and the lighting of bonfires, continued to be practiced on 31 October." In other words, the Christian church incorporated local Irish, Scottish, and Welsh pagan traditions into one of its own holy days. Just as the old fertility symbols of the rabbit and the evergreen tree became parts of Easter and Christmas, so have the symbols of the end of the fall harvest season and the coming of darkness become parts of a modern western-world celebration.

Gotta love my ancestors for starting up a holiday like this. Now, the treats...

1. I’m wondering what parent would let their son go out in this... Unless they are from San Francisco. I can see it now: Little Johnny... The real San Francisco treat... Or would he be a "trick?"

No need to x-ray little Johnny's candy since the only treats he will get wearing this costume will be bottles of Astroglide, scented love oils, and phone numbers from guys named Chaz and Trey.

2. Practice your pumpkin carving skills before getting all that crap on your hands.

The great thing about pumpkins is you can eat their brains

3. Find the horror/scary movie titles shown in the picture at the link below. Click on a section of the picture and type in the correct movie title. Example: The eyes on the side of the hill would be: "The Hills Have Eyes." Be precise with your spelling of the movie name or it will say you're wrong. Answers are at the bottom of this post.

M&Ms don't taste like brains

4. How about Zombie Streisand? Sorry Kelly. It fit the zombie theme.

Evil Games

5. Kill the zombies.

I'm going to rip off your head and crap down your neck... Then I'm going to eat your brains.

6. Bill is a demon that enjoys eating tortured souls... And Bill gets very hungry.

Bill apparently doesn't like brains... Just the fleshy parts of damned souls.

7. Evil zombies and their need for brains.

Protect you home from, what else? Brain eating zombies.

8. The award for most tasteless costume, and all-around asshole goes to Bill Maher for dressing up as Steve Irwin. Here's hoping a similar fate of being dismembered, disemboweled, or shanked with a lead pipe befalls Bill before the year comes to a close.

Answers for the movies in link #3: 1. 12 Monkeys 2. A Clockwork Orange 3. Alien 4. Beetle Juice 5. Blade 6. Blue Velvet 7. Butterfly Effect 8. Candyman 9. Creature From the Black Lagoon 10. Children of the Corn 11. Childs Play 12. Dark Water 13. Eraserhead 14. Friday the 13th 15. Halloween 16. House of Wax 17. Jaws 18. Nightmare on Elm Street 19. Pirahna 20. Pitch Black 21. Pumpkinhead 22. Psycho 23. Rear Window 24. Rosemary's Baby 25. Saw 26. Scream 27. Se7en 28. Signs 29. Silence of the Lambs 30. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 31. The 39 steps 32. The Birds 33. The Crow 34. The Dead Zone 35. The Fly 36. The Grudge 37. The Howling 38. The Hills Have Eyes 39. The Invisible Man 40. The Leprechaun 41. The Lost Boys 42. The Mummy 43. The Omen 44. The Ring 45. The Shining 46. The Sixth Sense 47. The Village 48. The War of the Worlds 49. Twin Peaks 50. Wickerman

Happy Halloween everyone!