Milton Goes Postal?

Before they move your desk to the boiler room and take your stapler. Here are a few links to occupy your time in CUBE HELL!!!!! 1. Now I know why Kurt killed himself. Courtney played this to him over and over and over..... God knows I'd kill myself too if I heard someone doing this to my music. Or maybe Courtney said "Hey, Kurt. You wanna shotgun?" And Kurt thinking of the other ways that term is used, grabbed the gun by mistake and blew his head off? Just a thought. 2. Tetris/Breakout/DigDug??? I don't know. With flowers... and stuff... Decent time killer. Flower Power 3. Newspaper headline generator. Make up your own BS story. Make up your own news. It's kind of like real newspapers if you think about it. 4. Pilot this air france jet and keep you passengers happy. Or, just be like the real french and surrender. s'enfuir! s'enfuir! (Babelfish it if you don't get it) 5. Stick figure Grand Theft Auto? Why not? Hint: Just because you see a stick figure in your scope sight holding a gun, it doesn’t make him the bad guy. Read the briefing before each segment. John Lee Malvo Agrees: Headshots rule. and more!!! WW2 Stickmen with GTA tendencies? Works for me. Kill the nazi! and a slightly updated version: Kill 'Em All (Metallica reference, but it works here too) 6. Sudoku Sushi? I gave up math after I graduated. Why people wish to stretch their brain in such a manner is well beyond me. Ancient Chinese secret... 7. Musical trivia from hell. Not the ordinary "Who was the fifth Beatle" stuff. Give me the last name of the artist responsible for the Woodstock poster. And from there it gets hard. 8. PETArds will love this one: I want mine extra spicy! Tasty Cajun-style wings. Musica! Musica! Musica!!!!! God, I loathe the guy above. You'd think after all these years of listening to Mexican/accordion oompa music, he would have taken Cobain's way out..... You'd also think that Mexican television in the year 2006 would be more than soccer, bad soap operas, and the shitty variety shows America gave up on 30 years ago.... You'd be wrong. The above doesn't make a lot of sense, but it brings us full circle from the Kurt Cobain reference at the begining of this post, to the one I just mentioned above. Tied things together pretty well, I think. In the CD player this week: 1. Mazzy Star: So Tonight That I May See. 2. Ray Charles: The Ultimate Collection. 3. Los Lonely Boys: Sacred.

I Want To Be Back In Estes Park

Vacation pictures suck if you are the one having to sit through them. So please enjoy. July 10, 2006. Dallas, Texas temperature: 100 degrees. Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado temperature: (with wind chill) 34 degrees A look out my front door. (Rock Mount Cottages) Inside my place. The Stanley (AKA: The Shining) Hotel. Estes Park, CO. Alberta Falls, Rocky Mountain National Park. Me with RichardFest's youngest son toward the top of Alberta Falls. Not an easy hike if you're out of shape. Thank God for treadmills. The dancing girl from the deodorant commercial. Vacation photos are always better when you throw something like this into the mix. And sweet Lord in Heaven, here's a website with the video, the outtakes, and the ability to mix your own version. When she's hot

More Fun Than A Clown Car On Fire............. With Burning Clowns Included.

My vacation went very well. I'm back home, rested, and now sweating my ass off because it is 103 degrees in Dallas. Pictures of the trip will come later. I have nothing fancy to offer today, so how about a few links to occupy your brain? 1. The drugs are working overtime now. I like conceptual art... I just don't understand it. Point. Click. Drop Acid. Point. Click. Drop Acid... 2. Dude... It’s not a "bong"... It’s a “water pipe.” “Bongs” are illegal. I just want to know how he planned on sealing all the air holes A skull? How F'd up is that? It would have been so much simpler if he had gone here for a diagram on how to make a bong out of a Pringles can. Granted, a Pringles can doesn't hold the same rush as smoking pot out of someone's brain pan, but this guy sounds like a Jeffrey Dahmer starter kit. 3. Two “Guess the Google” type games. The first one uses Flikr for the base photos. Good time killer. The second game is here. 4. Puppy curling. I don't write the games, I just play them. Midget curling, and dog curling should be Olympic events. If it's funny to have them chase tennis balls, and watch them slide on the kitchen floor, it would be twice as much fun to watch them negotiate ice. I'm talking more about dogs chasing balls than midgets, but I guess watching a midget slide on the tile while fetching a tennis ball would be amusing too. 5. I don’t know what this is. Cool sounds, a lonely cartoon gimp, and he ends up hanging by his optic nerve? If a gimp hangs himself in the woods, does anyone care? 6. Mah-Jongg A thinking time killer 7. Acne poppin.’ I was grossed out by this, but I couldn’t stop. Once you pop, you can't stop. Only one CD in the player this week while I drove to and from work: Leona Naess: Comatised

Milestones, Vacations, And Links

Today, July 7, marks one year of me making snide comments and posting links that I find funny... and sometimes frightening. Someone became the 10,000th visitor a few weeks back, but I was too lazy to look back through Sitemeter to find out who they were. I don't think it would have mattered since I'm sure they were only looking for links on "Teacher Sex" or "Julie Hyman" at Bloomberg Television. I guess 10,000 is a pretty good number to be at after a year, but honestly I don't care. I write the nonsense I do because I find it funny or annoying... Or maybe I do it just because I'm pissed off... Stephen King once said: when you write, "...you better do it for yourself. If you do it for any other reason, you're an organ-grinder's monkey, hustling for peanuts." That was paraphrased, but the idea is if you don't do it for you, you are nothing more than a dancing, trained monkey doing tricks for others. I do this for me alone, and because my cries for attention as a child went unnoticed. As a small celebratory fist in the air, I'd like to revisit a few old links that I am truly proud of from the past year. Humor me, alright? 1. The Today Show floats a big one. 2. Blame Bush for Katrina? Morons. 3. Hippies suck. 4. Smoking hot teacher sex. I promise you I'll get 10 hits on that subject line alone. 5. Hot nazi babes... In a few years, when they're legal, of course. (nazi not capitalized because they do not deserve that accomodation) 6. Bull penises and truck balls: 7. Jennifer Aniston is an idgit: I love this one the most, as the comment from one guy shows how completely and seriously whacked-out some liberals are when not using facts with their arguments. A thank you should also go out to a guy I've known all my life for backing me up when the kool-aid drinkers came here spouting nonsense. And to those I have met over the last year, a big thank you for all your kindness. Nods go to: Richard Fest, E.M., Peakah, S.T.M., and Lingo. Next on the agenda is my impending vacation... Actually, this will be my first real vacation in 16 years. By that I mean it will be the first time in 16 years I've taken off more than 3 days straight. Estes Park, Colorado July 9, American Flight 1361 out of Dallas July 16, American Flight 1434 out of Colorado Springs I'm posting my flight schedule just in case one of the planes crash. Then you can say, "Hey! I knew a guy on that plane!" My good friend, Richardfest, has asked me to tag along with his wife and kids for a week in beautiful Estes Park, CO. Itinerary for the week: Monday through Saturday: eat, sleep, fish, hike, golf, sight seeing, eat some more, sleep some more, watch elk stroll across the lawn in front of you like that damn moose from Northern Exposure, listen to the rain while napping, listening to the river that runs behind my cabin when there is no rain while napping, and most important... sit on the patio and read (or sleep) while it is raining. 14,256 foot Long's Peak Golf with elk on the fairway. While many of you poor souls will be driving in to work, dealing with obnoxious bosses, sweating on the commute home, and doing weekend yard work in oppressive heat, I will be content in knowing I have nothing to do if I don't feel like it. Bragging? You bet. Have a look at the weather: Estes Park right now 10 day weather For any stalkers, here's where we'll be staying: Rockmount Cottages Below are some links to keep you busy as I recharge and keep at bay, for one more year, the urge to kill those that displease me. A. Don’t pull the chain on the wall... Just a tip. Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty! We'll have a spanking... And then... the oral sex! E. Figure this one out. I. I still don’t get it, but if you ever wondered about the “Flying Spaghetti Monster," this will answer some of your questions… ‘Course, it will create many too. A little parmesan cheese would kill it How many bands can you name in the picture linked below? Example: The Cranberries, Matchbox 20, Blind Melon, Cowboy Junkies, etc... You'll feel like an idiot when a band name suddenly dawns on you. It took me forever to guess Gorillaz. And I just figured out The Sex Pistols a moment ago. Guess that band O. Google word association. How fast can your brain work? U. 360 degree panorama. Must have QuickTime installed. Like a bug in a jar. And Sometimes Y. 1. Thank you, come again... For all your tiger and baboon needs. Apu would be proud. 1.5. European drugs must be stronger than what we have in the states. Download the zip file and enjoy. Giant walking teddy bears in the subway. 2. Maze. And I’m not talking about the R and B group. Reminds me of an old Atari game. 2.5. When you have a good story, animation is simply a bonus. And when the story has some bite to it, that makes it so much better. One more Genevieve here. 3. Love in an elevator? No. but #14 should freak you out, and make you remember it the next time you walk in to one. Fake, with just enough creepiness to keep me clicking the other movies. Lovin' it up till I hit the ground. 3.5. Reminds me of high school and college: Can you keep a table balanced while sporting wood? (may or may not be safe for work. Cartoon: fully clothed) At least he wasn't asked to stand up in class... 4. Sweaty women dancing = hot. Hell, most women dancing = hot. Guys dancing in any way, shape or form = the link below. This really needs to be on Fox or MTV 4.5. Ever wonder if that dream you had about the midgets playing poker under your bed meant anything?.... Or is that just me? The Dream Dictionary may have your answer: Silent lucidity Music that kept me sane this week: 1. Toad the Wet Sprocket: PS. A Toad Retrospective. 2. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones: Devil's Night Out. Try and play nice with the other kids while I'm gone.